Living for 32...

For anyone who knows me, you know that today is a profoundly important day for me. This year it happens to be the 5th Anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings. So many things about my life changed that day, even though I was already in Texas at the time. In less than 48 hours I was back in Blacksburg surrounded by friends and family and just being at home. I can't explain just how healing it was to be back there- to see the way everyone in the Hokie Nation came together to take care of one another... Tragedy will always happen and we can't control that. But the overwhelming lesson I learned then was that we can control how we let it impact us. Do we become bitter, angry, afraid? Do we retaliate? Do we ask "why me?" What I learned from seeing people with far more wisdom and maturity than their years is that we should respond in love, care, kindness, forgiveness. We should hug people we love, and tell them everyday. We shouldn't waste so much time doing things that don't matter. We should figure out what the heck it is that actually DOES matter. The most salient lesson for me was that I should do better about doing things that matter, and not worrying so much about the other things. I learned that it's OK to take a late penalty on an assignment, or to not give my students back their papers the day I promised them, if there are more pressing concerns. And I learned that "pressing concerns" really means things like family, friends, and people you love. And not so much grades and work.

I don't know the first time someone use the phrase "Live for 32" or where I was when I heard it, but I do know that has become a big motto for me since then. Let's be honest- there are days I do this well and others... not so much. But the shift has been monumental for me and I couldn't be more grateful for that. When I look back at my day, or the last week, or the last month, I try to ask myself if I have lived in the moment. If there are things I’ve left unsaid, I say them. Something I needed to do, someone I need to call, someone I need to send an “I love you” text to or anything else. This often means that I’m a little behind with keeping my house spotless, and sometimes it means I’m behind on grading. But today I think that’s worth it. I am currently in a seminar through my church and someone I love and respect was teaching about “process” and “outcome” the other day. (Outcome being more task oriented, and process being more journey.) He stressed the importance of balance and finding that ever important middle ground. And then he said something so profound: “You better figure it out before life forces you to figure it out.” Most people probably missed that or shrugged it off. But it just sounded like a reminder for me.

I try to encourage my classes to “Live for 32” by giving them an extra credit assignment every year on April 16^th. I ask them to identify someone they’d like to spend more time with or some activity they would want to be doing. Then I ask what keeps them from doing it, and what would they change in their life if today was their last day to do that. Finally I ask them to do it and then reflect about it. Most students really love it. And they love getting points for it. I’m trying to give that gentle reminder before “life forces (them) to figure it out.”

Just this past week I’ve had several reminders of how short and precious our time is together. My “baby sister” got rushed to the hospital after experiencing seizures for the first time. Instead of grading or preparing a lecture, I spent a few hours hanging out with her and curling up in her hospital bed to watch her play some game that I will never understand on her iPad. About the same time I received word from a dear friend of mine that her partner was in pretty serious condition and had a life altering and potentially life threatening illness. Both are in their early 20s. The next day I got a text informing me that my dad had been rushed to the ER by ambulance and doctors weren’t sure what was wrong. We still don’t have definitive answers about these three but I have spent a lot more time talking to them, hugging them (when possible) and thinking about/praying for them this week. I’m so grateful to have had the opportunity to do this.

Right around this time last year I had to make some pretty life changing decisions about work/career and taking risks. Though I loved my job very much, I realized working 70 hours a week at the expense of friends and family wasn’t exactly “Living for 32.” So I quit my job, and pursued some other options. The most important one of those options ended up being my amazing partner, Landon. I just love our little family. Everyday we get to spend together and grow together is a day I know I’m not wasting opportunities. There have been a lot of challenges but when I look back I wouldn’t change a thing. I am absolutely living in the moment and am so excited to see what is in store for us.

If you think you’re up for the challenge (which you probably are if you’ve made it all the way through this blog), I’d love to hear from you in the comments what you are going to do to “Live for 32” or for the April 16^th assignment. Please, PLEASE don’t wait for life to force you to figure it out.

Love, Kim